Even on a Cloudy Day

I bought a tablet!

Which is unusual for me. I had to read through hundreads of reddit posts to pull the trigger. This isn't a tech blog so I'll spare you my research beside I don't really want to buy into the Apple Ecosystem. I hate the idea of being trapped like that. Plus I don't plan on getting an Apple TV to connect to the iPhone to connect to the iSuckYouOff. Sorry, uncalled for. And I don't have a TV. Or a watch. My phone is 11 years old and is some offbrand gizmo.

I needed to change my drawing setup. Well, the setup itself is fine. I've been using a Kamvas 13 touchscreen tablet for like five years now, and it's been fine. I mean there was a week where the display was entirely purple hue'd. And the pens have broken like three times. The setup is unmoveable though; it requires a USB hub, outlet, and adapter.

Drawing only in my room was fine for a long time. Outside is scary. Homeless people would mug me, canvassers would mug my time. Also a factor in not getting an iPad; my friend got his car broken into and they stole the Magic cards even though the Yugioh ones were way more valueable. I would cross the street to avoid going near someone. I hated being looked at. There's never any free seats in a cafe or transit. I've been almost hit by a car because I was pushed three times now. My phone is a spiderweb of cracks because I was pushed right before I moved.

But the sentiment didn't go away. College kids were bantering while painting the hallway outside my door and I would have panic attacks. I would tip toe to not be heard. My apartment became like my old room. I would cry before maintenance would arrive to fix a leak; the girl upstairs from me flooded her bathroom and caved in mine. I would get up in the middle of the night wide awake to check for intruders.

But nothing happened. I mean my apartment building caught on fire a few times. But I'm fine. It took until I was laid off for me to realize. I'm not sure which comes first; wisdom or courage, but I'm walking now. As much as I can. I'm writing this in the park while dogs pass by smiling. The cool air is pushing my hair into my eyes. I just saw a baby squirrel for the first time, and they're so loud.

I'd like to experience this as much as I can before I die. Or I have to move. Or I'm hit by a cop car and can't move. I keep finding new books to read in little free libraries. I found a polaroid the other day; 150$ cashback on a 5$ croissant. Well it didn't come with film. I want to be sad that a bakery is going out of business. I sometimes run into people I know on the street now and it's one of the best feelings. I never want to be in people's phone books; I want fate to determine when I'll be graced with your prescence again. It's a wonderful feeling to be part of a coincidence.

I've been thinking a lot better. Just like we use writing to supplement our memory, I think we walk into and out of our darkest thoughts on our two feet. The blades of grass are bookmarks. I have a corner of my street that I think my best worldbuilding thoughts on. Oh my god it's so windy right now.

That's my Taming long-winded way of explaining I want to draw on the go. I used to draw with pencil outside and then transfer the finished composition to my tablet a home. But I have much less free time now. I go to an art studio roughly every week. I would do the rough sketch for a piece, go work on it at home, but I wouldn't have it rendered within the week. And I don't want to start sketching another new piece; my brain doesn't work like that. I can't have multiple projects going. I mean I'm trying to work on it. I'd like to do a little piano every day and a little writing too, but my habits are not atomic. My ideal lifestyle is doing my projects until I pass out from exhaustion, and then swapping projects after completion.

But yeah the art studio; people compliment and love my rough sketches! I've gotten much better at anatomy. But I love the small details when I do rendering. I put a lot of extra effort and time into making sure each pixel of the piece is as interesting as I can. And I'm not the best at rendering techniques; I have a lot of references but I haven't put in the elbow grease to really make them my own. And I have to be away from my references; if I draw at home I will inevitably just search for a reference that fits. Creativity comes from misremembering, at least for me.

I've only had the tablet for a week but I've already gotten asked if I do commissions or art professionally a few times. Maybe I'll take someone up one of these days. I've been worldbuilding more now that I have my Obsidian notes on the go (I was using OneNote before but oh my god I hate the UI.) Been reading ebooks, using it for sheet music, and the colours are really nice for just watching stuff. Oh I never wrote which one I got; it's a Samsung S10 Galaxy Tablet that I found refurbrished for like 70% off. Every day I'm finding more uses for it, and now that I'm in the world I'm finding uses for my existence.

Well, except that it'll be -19 in two months.