Hope Rides Alone

Before I took art seriously, I would make memes in MS Paint for inside jokes from Mumble voice-chat hangouts. They were only funny because I made them within 3-5 minutes and were insanely unhinged. I don't think I was necessarilly insane, but as I've normalized my behaviour I've lost my ability to make those kind of connections. I've also stopped making quick art - my banner for last year took me five whole weeks. I hope that in reclaiming that former skillset, I don't lose what I currently have. Maybe this is a little shallow, but when I'm drawing with friends IRL I want to show off. Even though I don't even consider myself a good artist (I'm much better at organization, writing, and editing), I care a lot. Street art! That's what the paint shitposts were, digital street art. So, the cover image for this blog was an attempt at it... yet I don't think I have the sauce. At least, not yet. There was a lot of elements I wanted to fit in like Vamp Fatale from clearing M9s with the static, and Tito because I've been reading about Yugoslavia, but once a theme was found I committed. I really find beauty in insane connections, and if I get good at anything this yaer it's that.

one of my favourite recent activities is going to art faires with friends IRL! I've still been hesitant to shell out, but I've picked up small items like a Sunflower braclet, and some begs with lemons... which is apparently my new theme. I like to collect the business cards and put them in a little altar in my apartment. I used to go into thrift stores without really any idea of what I'd want, but now that I know my themes I get excited when I realize something will fit right in. Maybe the coolest part, and what I recommend, is to become friends with the store owners and let them know what you're looking for. It's sort of amazing to realize this is a person with agency who will just do that. I don't have a lot of art at home, and haven't really furnished still, but I'm hoping to get more into physical media. Two of my friends and I want to open an art booth next year! So, between now and then that's a small goal of mine. I actually just met someone who makes pins and merch for a band, and they were telling me about their process. Maybe I'll try to do that? I really doubt people will want poster prints for characters they don't know (a majority of my art, recently). But maybe they'd buy a sticker, hehe.

ONE BIG CHANGE TO THE APARTMENT IS A COUCH!! I think I mentioned in the first blog that a lot of my furnishing is cardboard, like I still have the box my chair came in and I pin post-it notes for art ideas against it. My neighbor was moving out and I traded him a sleeve of sliders I was cooking for a party for his, I also got a bar cart which I've turned into a mobile art fortress. It still has all their half-drunk vodka which I don't know what to do with because I don't uh, drink.

This couch is evil, by the way. I feel myself care less about what people think, which I didn't know that I did before. Now if I need to relax I can just lie on it and read or watch Game Changer... I feel like all evil people own a couch. They must, if they're so heartless.

I am not less or more asexual than I was before (happy Pride Month btw)

1. I just thought this would look cool
2. I will be going to NYC for Worlds!!!

I am not a huge League of Legends player these days, but my friend group is going and they really want to meet up. Okay, I want to meet with them too. A surprising amount of friends are going, a lot of them don't even play. Childhood friends will be in NYC too... I'm not really sure what we'll do.

I started writing an Excel spreadsheet of what I'm going to do and was going to write up friends who were interested in what. A lot of the trip will be ruining my childhood memories by seeing everything with adult eyes. I haven't travelled in many a year. I still dont' plan on making it a habit, even though more and more friends want me to fly in [I might fly to Texas for a cowboy hat in January]. Money was, and I think still is, time to be secure and safe in my future.

Speaking of, my work contract was extended for another 6 months! The anniversary actually landed on my friend's birthday, so while I sang Happy Birthday and watched him blow out his cake's candles in blissful ignorance, I secretly celebrated that. I've actually been going to a few pool parties... I'm still not comfortable going in. But uhm, I feel conflicted. I was actually terminated for a few hours because the funding for the role came last minute. I don't have this dread that I'll eventually be unemployed like I did with my last role. I don't think I'll get a continuation on this contract, but I'm kind of looking forward to having some time to take a break and commit to drawing again. The thought that it truly doesn't matter how hard I work I'll not be rehired does discern me, though. I'm not really sure what to do other than be in the moment. When I knew about the eventual layoff at my last role, it ruined my ability to connect with anyone for a full year.

I went to a board game party with some neighbors, and the host invited a friend to play the guitar. Everyone was talking about their rent and which hallways they liked, so I chatted with the stranger. A few sentences in, he started turning what I said into song lyrics. We made up songs about modern day Cowboys having anxiety climbing mountains, and trying to find trees in Purgatory, and other random bullshit. We'd stick on a phrase that was interesting and sing context around it. I think it actually changed my entire outlook on making music; I've been fiddling around on the piano keyboard without any plan. I still am trying to learn specific songs because I find satisfaction in mastery, but having skills be a party trick really does matter. Street art is so important to me now; art should bring friends together.

Later in the week, my friends and I finally got together for D&D! My character is Caballohästumanir, the goliath Paladin who NEEDS to become a horse. He's too stupid to become a Druid or Ranger or learn any Polymorph spells. He's convinced he's the reincarnated spirit of the horse of a famous paladin and has to reclaim his honour to stop his night terrors.

So, I drew Cabby ranting about horses to Tolpa, my Cyberpunk Red maid bard character, and her making songs out of it. I hadn't gotten to play Tabletop in two years and frankly was scared of doing it again. Groups have been terrifying for me; the last campaign ended because someone exploded on me for not giving them enough attention outside of the game. I'd been keeping to myself worldbuilding, and that's enough validation for me to make good art from it. I've never really thought about communicating my world to others, but after starting to work on a webpage to situate my friends with the world I actually have gotten a ton of interest. Maybe I'll try running one-shots again.

I hope in my near future to continue to be both Tolpa the artist and Cabby the yapper for my friends. Thanks everyone for everything :)